December Binges Part 1: Say Nothing, A Man on the Inside, The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh

As always, I have spent much time on the couch over the past month and have been catching up on a slew of streaming shows. If you’re hibernating this month, why not fire up one of these shows to keep you engaged?

Say Nothing: Created by Joshua Zetumer, based on the nonfiction book by Patrick Radden Keefe, this is a searing miniseries about the Troubles in Northern Ireland that spans the 1960s to the 90s. The series focuses on Dolours Price (Lola Petticrew/Maxine Peake) and her sister Marian (Hazel Doupe/Helen Behan), two young women who were initially pacifists who protested for peace, but who then joined the provisional Irish Republican Army (IRA) and tunred to a more violent path.

This is also a story about the Disappeared, people who were suspected of being informants and were secretly killed and buried by the IRA over the years; we specifically follow the story of a widow with ten children named Jean McConville, who was suddenly taken from her family and never seen again. And this is also a story about Gerry Adams, a man who led the IRA but then went on to become a politician and the president of Sinn Fein, who tried to broker a peace deal while claiming he was never a member of the IRA. 

These stories may seem disparate, but they are interwoven and culminate in tremendous fashion in the series finale. Over nine episodes, I was captivated by this show, on the edge of my seat to see what exactly would happen next. The series showcases the Belfast Project by Boston College, which helped former IRA members, like Dolours Price, record an oral history of what they had done, so every episode winds back and forth as you see the older version of these characters re-live their past in vivid flashbacks. It’s a masterful piece of television that outlines a dark and dangerous period of history and makes it feel urgent and relevant today. 

A Man on the Inside: If you don’t want drama but a comedy that will still make you periodically tear up, creator Michael Schur has you covered. In this show (based on the 2020 Oscar-nominated documentary, The Mole Agent), Ted Danson stars as Charles, a lonely man who decides to answer a classified ad that Julie (Lilah Richcreek Estrada)put in the paper. Julie runs a private detective agency and has a client who wants to investigate the retirement community his mother is in; her necklace is missing, and he thinks there’s a thief in her midst. Charles seems to be a perfect candidate to pose as a new retiree in this community, so Julie hires him, trains him up on how to be a spy, and sends him in.

The supporting cast includes Stephanie Beatriz as Didi, the extremely dedicated and competent woman who runs the community, and Mary Elizabeth Ellis as Charles' daughter, Emily, who is worried about her father, but somewhat relieved that he has found a hobby. As you can imagine, Charles is not a natural spy, and his first few days at the home are a bit of a disaster as he tries to figure out how to fit in with the residents without blowing his cover. But as the days go on, he starts to find his way with this motley crew and also starts to hone his spy craft (well kind of). 

This is a beautiful show that is about old folks and how much more they have going on in their lives than Hollywood ordinarily wants to acknowledge. It also reflects the very real challenges of growing older and the strain it can put on families as they try to navigate how best to take care of their elderly relatives. It's a very funny show and has an engaging mystery element, but it's also incredibly heartfelt and sweet, so keep a box of tissues handy at all times.

The Pradeeps of Pittsburgh: If you don't want to cry at all, then settle in for a typical American sitcom about a rather atypical family. Creator Vijal Patel gives us this show about a family that moved from India to Pennsylvania. But when we first meet them, they are being interviewed by two immigration officers who are trying to figure out who burned down their neighbors' house. What follows are eight episodes of interrogations where we get their story in flashbacks.

Sindhu Vee (a comedian I absolutely adore), plays Sudha (my mother's name!), a doctor who is mad at being uprooted to the US where no hospital will even accept her medical license. Naveen Andrews plays her husband Mahesh, a man filled with bright-eyed optimism about the land of opportunity, who has a SpaceX contract and thinks he's going to make it big by launching a rocket factory in PA. They have three children, Bhanu (Sahana Srinivasan), a very horny teenager who has her sights set on the hot boy next door (Nicholas Hamilton), Kamal (Arjun Sriram), a very neurotic teenager who has somehow developed an infatuation for the mother of the hot boy next door (Megan Hilty), and Vinod (Ashwin Sakthivel), a cheerful, upbeat kid who is obsessed with the garbage truck. 

This is definitely the broadest of comedies, but it contains fun jokes about white people and Americans and the challenges of fitting in as foreigners. There's plenty of material about Indian traditions and customs, but at the end of the day, this is a pretty standard sitcom that is easy to binge through in an afternoon. If you're Indian, you may enjoy it for the representation, and if you're not Indian, maybe you'll learn something?

Holiday Movie Watch: Hot Frosty, Our Little Secret, The Merry Gentlemen, Nutcrackers

'Tis the season! Once Thanksgiving was over, I began mainlining Christmas movies on streaming platforms. If you're ready for some thoroughly mindless entertainment to put you into the holiday spirit, let's jingle all the way!

Hot Frosty: This is the movie everyone's talking about. Directed by Jerry Ciccoritti and written by Russell Hainline, this movie stars Lacey Chabert as Kathy, a lonely widow who runs the cafe in her small town. She puts a scarf around a snowman that was made for a local competition, and lo and behold, later that night, the snowman magically comes alive. And this is no pot-bellied snowman with a carrot nose. This snowman is played by Dustin Milligan and has some chiseled abs. Is this high art? No. But is every actor committed to the silliness and having a whale of a time in this movie? You bet. The supporting cast includes Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truglio as the local sheriffs who are looking to identify this mysterious man who has appeared in town, and yes, while initially the snowman has no idea what's going on and seems to be about as mature as a toddler, he thankfully has a real quick learning curve so it's not too icky when an inevitable romance begins to brew. Pour out a mug of hot chocolate and settle in, because this is the coziest movie you're gonna watch this week.

Our Little Secret: I 100% support Linday Lohan's pivot into becoming a Netflix romcom queen. In this film, directed by Stephen Herek and written by Hailey DeDominicis, Lohan plays Avery, a woman who is visiting her boyfriend Cameron's (Jon Rudnitsky) family over the holidays. Unfortunately, Cameron's sister, Cassie (Katie Baker) brings home her boyfriend, Logan (Ian Harding). Who is, of course, Avery's ex-boyfriend. Naturally, Avery and Logan decide not to tell anyone that they used to date, which leads to many shenanigans and ruses. And of course, they're not the only one in this house harboring a secret - everyone's got something to hide, and by the end, all will be revealed. It's absolutely charming, classic holiday fare, and I thoroughly enjoyed every second. Kristin Chenoweth also stars as Cameron's snarky mother who goes around blessing everyone's heart and being the mother-in-law of their nightmares. Almost every beat is predictable, though there was one twist towards the end that I absolutely did not see coming, so I offer that up as additional enticement. But otherwise, this is the perfect movie to be watching while you put up your tree and wrap presents. Fa la la la la!

The Merry Gentlemen: Do you love the holidays but wish they involved more topless male dancing? Well, this movie, directed by Peter Sullivan and written by Marla Sokoloff, has you covered! Britt Robertson stars as Ashley, a dancer in Manhattan (she is a "Jingle Belle" which is basically just an off-brand Rockette), who gets canned for being too old, and sadly heads back to her small town for Christmas. When she gets there, she finds out that the bar her parents' own is in trouble and needs a massive cash infusion if they want tohang on to it past the holidays. So naturally, Ashley decides the only solution is so stage an all-male revue and put on performances till Christmas to raise money. One of the dudes she recruits is the local handyman, Luke (Chad Michael Murray, whose hair is particularly distracting throughout the film), as well as the local barman and some other men who can actually dance, unlike Murray, who laughably spends most of the time standing in the back of these routines with his shirt off, trying to look sexy without moving too much. Again, it's predictable and dumb, but it is full of holiday cheer and shirtless men, so what's not to like?

Nutcrackers: I need to be clear right off the bat that I did NOT like this movie so am emphatically not recommending you watch it if you want to feel some holiday uplift. But here's a short review nonetheless. Written by Leland Douglas and directed by David Gordon Green, Ben Stiller stars as Michael, a man who has to take a break from his high-powered job in Chicago to drive down to a farm in rural Ohio so he can serve as temporary guardian to his four unruly nephews after his sister and brother-in-law tragically died in a car accident. The children are out of control and Michael was somewhat estranged from his sister, so he basically just wants the social worker, played by Linda Cardellini, to quickly find foster parents for these kids so he can wash his hands of them and head back to his real life. And then of course, he spends more time with the kids, gets more entwined with the local townsfolk, and yada yada yada. This movie is mostly chaotic vibes, and the tone is weird throughout, never quite funny enough or dramatic enough, just aggressively mid. If that sounds like the kind of thing you're into, go ahead, but otherwise, stick to the three ridiculous movies I recommended above instead.

November Movies Part 5: A Real Pain, Fancy Dance, Will & Harper, Moana 2

Another theme this month has been watching movies about close relatives or friends take a trip together. If you're ready to watch some moving, funny, and/or serious movies that might make you tear up a little, settle in.

A Real Pain: Written and directed by Jesse Eisenberg, who also co-stars with Kieran Culkin, this is a story about two Jewish cousins from New York who head to Poland for a week-long Holocaust tour to honor their dead grandmother who survived the camps. Yes, nothing about that seems inherently funny, but David (Eisenberg) and Benji (Culkin) have a deeply complicated relationship, and as we see them interact with their guide, James (brilliantly played by Will Sharpe) and the bewildered members of their tour group, who all have their own fascinating reasons for why they are taking this tour, there is room for a lot of comedy and a lot of heart. 

It's difficult to describe this film without getting into a slew of spoilers. Everything is really about the acting and Culkin delivers an outrageously great performance that is sure to be Oscar-nominated next year. His portrayal of Benji is so hard to pin down until the very end when you finally understand the backstory for this trip and how David feels about him. The supporting cast are also incredible, alternately having to be annoyed by these weird cousins and their outbursts, and then demonstrating a kindness and compassion that is in keeping with the whole theme of their tour. 

The entire soundtrack is a beautiful series of Chopin pieces performed by pianist Tzvi Erez, and the cinematography by Michal Dymek (who is Polish) is wondrous, truly capturing the beauty of Poland as well as the more somber moments of the Holocaust tour. There isn't a moment of this film that isn't captivating and engrossing, and by the end of it, you'll wish this trip could go on for a few more days. 

Fancy Dance: Written and directed by Erica Tremblay, this is the story of Jax (Lily Gladstone), a Native American woman who is taking care of her niece, Roki (Isabel DeRoy-Olson) on the Seneca-Cayuga reservation in Oklahoma after her sister has mysteriously disappeared. Jax isn't exactly a great role model, but she's a hustler and is trying to make ends meet in an effort to take care of this 13-year-old girl and pressure federal investigators to look into the disappearance of her sister. 

What follows is a sadly typical tale where Native American women get no respect and their disappearances fall into a black hole due to the complicated interplay between the tribal police and federal investigators. There is also a complicated dynamic with Jax's father (aka Roki's grandfather), who is white and now lives off the reservation with his white wife. They want to serve as Roki's guardians instead of Jax, but don't know much about the culture and are unwilling to let Roki attend the annual Oklahoma City powwow. No points for guessing whether Child Protective Services thinks that's an important consideration.

This is a sad but also beautiful movie, with a lot of dialogue in the Cayuga language, which is always a delight as Indigenous languages never get a lot of airtime in the media. The relationship between Jax and Roki is so tender and loving and the final scenes at the powwow are particularly uplifting and moving, even if everything else in this film has indicated that these two women are always going to be let down by the system. It's a powerful film about how Native American women often have to serve as their own champions, and the lengths they have to go to in order to preserve their culture and get some justice.

Will & Harper: Directed by Josh Greenbaum, this is a documentary about the actor Will Ferrell and his long-time best friend, Harper Steele. They met on the set of SNL in 1995 and were fast friends and comedic partners for 30 years, but in 2022, at the age of 61, Harper came out to her friends and undertook a gender transition. This film is about these two friends going on a long road trip across America, to red states and places that have a dangerous history of homophobia and denying trans rights, to see whether they can get past the media noise and just meet some real people, as well as explore their friendship. As you might expect, what they discover is rather heartwarming and affirming, but there's still plenty of bias and hate they have to combat along the way.

The film is quite bittersweet because while it showcases plenty of folk who accept Harper for who she is and don’t make a fuss, it also highlights the heinous transphobia in pockets of this country and also online on social media, where people feel free to spew hatred. Harper used to love long road trips and frequenting dive bars in the most isolated areas, but now, as a trans woman, she is deeply afraid of what she may encounter on such trips. While this road trip occasionally alleviates her fears, with some encounters even driving her to tears because of the love and acceptance she is given, it by no means clear that she can travel freely wherever she likes any longer. The fact that she is travelling with Ferrell provides enormous security along the way, and it is sad to see that this is a country where women, and particularly trans women, still cannot feel safe.

However, while it’s interesting to see who they meet along the way (including plenty of cameos from famous SNL folk), this is mainly a story about Will and Harper's friendship, and how these two people reconnect after one has gone through a pretty major life change. Ferrell voices his concerns about how he is expected to treat Harper now that she is a woman - can he still talk to his friend in the same way? Turns out the answer is yes. It’s a deeply sweet movie about the power of friendship and acceptance, and that while you might be ignorant and have to ask dumb questions, as long as you are thoughtful and care deeply about making sure the other person feels safe and comfortable, you can still maintain a loving and cherished friendship. The world is a big and scary place, but it's a lot less scary when you have a best friend by your side. 

Moana 2: If you're ready for some lighter entertainment, dive in for some Disney fun. Our hero Moana (who is emphatically NOT a princess) is off on another adventure, this time to discover the island of Motufetu that is under the curse of a vengeful god named Nalo who hates humans. Instead of going on a voyage accompanied solely by a pig and a chicken, this time she actually takes some of the villagers with her, including a canoe builder named Lato (voiced brilliantly by Rose Matafeo), an elderly farmer named Kele (David Fane) and a storyteller/historian named Moni (Hualalai Chung). 

Directed by David Derrick Jr., Jason Hand and Dana Ledoux Miller, off a script written by Jared Bush and Miller, this movie features stunning animation and a sea voyage that is almost reminiscent of The Odyssey given the many adventures this crew has along the way. Of course, they finally do run into the demigod Maui (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who is having quite the holiday movie season), and they then team up to take on Nalo and re-connect with the people spread out on islands across the ocean.

If you love the English songs from the original Moana, unfortunately you're going to be disappointed with this sequel. Lyricists Abigail Barlow and Emily Bear don't quite nail any of the English songs, particularly when they are then juxtaposed with beautiful traditional Polynesian songs that are interspersed throughout the movie. Given how Moana is a celebration of indigenous culture, I would have been delighted if composers Mark Mancina and Opetaia Foa'i gave us a soundtrack that was solely composed of Polynesian chants as that music has a way of really delving into your soul and stirring up emotion even if you can't understand the words. Nonetheless, there's a lot to enjoy about this film, and if you're looking for something bright and cheerful to head into the holidays, this movie is a solid choice at the theaters.

November Binges: The Franchise, Three Women, Disclaimer, The Penguin

The following shows have all been airing week-to-week (such a novelty in this day and age!) so I have been delighting in them in installments over the past few months. However, they are now all done, so are available to you for an epic binge if that's how you consume your entertainment. There's quite the range of genres and themes here, but all are excellent in their own way, so prepare yourself to spend a lot of time on your couch.

The Franchise: Created by Jon Brown, a man who has written for Succession and Veep, this is a biting comedy about the machinations of making a big-budget superhero film. Set on a studio lot in London, Himesh Patel stars as Daniel the much-beleaguered first assistant director on a movie called Tecto: Eye of the Storm. He has to support the neurotic German director, Eric (Daniel Bruhl), an auteur who is trying to impose his unique artistic vision on this mass market movie, with the support of his sycophantic script supervisor, Steph(Jessica Hynes). Daniel also has a brand-new third assistant director, Dag (Lolly Adefope) who joins the crew filled with wide-eyed excitement, but quickly comes to realize that showbiz is a slog. The superhero movie's protagonist, Tecto, is played by an anxious actor named Adam (Billy Magnussen), an insecure man who is desperately trying to break into the A-list, even though he knows his character is not in the top tier of superheroes in this particular franchise. His co-star, Peter (the diabolically hilarious Richard E. Grant), is a wry British actor who is just doing this for the paycheck, is an HR nightmare, and finds the whole enterprise to be inane.

Throw in the studio bigwigs and producers who are there to make money not art, and you have a recipe for delicious disaster. Every episode is scored with this pulse-pounding techno beat that ratchets up your blood pressure as Daniel and the crew try to avoid an infinite series of disasters and petty squabbles, and try to keep within budget and timelines in an increasingly futile effort to make a movie they might actually like to watch. It's a perfect commentary on the current state of filmmaking, and a thoroughly excellent British comedy.

Three Women: Based on the nonfiction book by Lisa Taddeo that told the story of the sex lives of three different American women, the first thing you should know about this show is that it is extremely racy. If you are not into explicit content, this is not the show for you, a feeling that was shared by the network that originally paid for this show, Showtime, who then did not want to air it and sold it to Starz for distribution instead. Consider yourself pre-warned. 

In this show, we follow Gia (Shailene Woodley), a sort of stand-in for the book's original author, as she's interviewing different women to write her book, but also going through some personal turmoil in her own love life. We then get three separate stories about three women - there's Lina (Betty Gilpin), a midwestern housewife in Indiana who yearns to be touched but has a thoroughly uninterested husband; Sloane (DeWanda Wise), a rich and successful event planner who has an open relationship with her handsome husband, Richard (Blair Underwood), and is always keeping an eye out for a new man or woman to recruit into their polyamorous trysts; and Maggie, a young high schooler, who has an affair with a married teacher and a few years later decides to file a formal complaint against him.

This show can be very hard to watch at times and will be quite triggering if you have any history of sexual violence or assault. But it is also an incisive and cutting portrait of how these different women navigate their sex lives, and the ramifications when they either demand or don't know how to ask for what they want. Each actress is doing phenomenal work, offering up brutally honest and wrenching performances that make you thoroughly understand why they're doing what they're doing, even if you think what they're doing is a mistake. I cannot recommend this show as a feel-good watch, but it's unlike anything I've seen on TV. I was captivated by Taddeo's book when I read it years ago, and while the show struggles to come up with a coherent narrative, it still captures the essence of her book and its attempt to navigate the complexities of being an American woman in our modern world. 

Disclaimer: Written and directed by Alfonso Cuaron, based on the novel by Renee Knight, I will have to warn you again about this show being insanely explicit. Seriously, do not watch this show if any young children (or conservative adults) are around. Once you get them out of the way, however, hunker down for a thoroughly twisty and disturbing story that unfolds with absolute precision. Cate Blanchett stars as Catherine, a successful documentary journalist who is married to Robert (Sacha Baron Cohen, in a very somber dramatic role). They have a 25-year-old son, Nicholas (Kodi Smit-McPhee), who has struggled with addiction but is trying to get back on his feet. Overall, they are a typical rich British family - some problems, but nothing that money can't solve. Until a mysterious novel called The Perfect Stranger enters their life.

This novel was self-published by a retired teacher named Stephen (Kevin Kline), and the rest of this miniseries is a story about what that book is about and why Stephen is using it to destroy Catherine and her family. I am loath to give away much more information, because the whole point of this show is to watch the mystery slowly unfold and twist upon itself like a mesmerizing Mobius strip, so all I'll say is that Catherine did something in her past that involved Stephen's son, and now that event is coming back to haunt her. You will think you know what's happening for six episodes, and then the final Episode 7 will turn everything on its head. It's a remarkable and propulsive piece of storytelling that had me on the edge of my seat every week and now can have you in the throes of a manic binge for seven hours straight. Enjoy!

The Penguin: While I'm not a DC person, I have always enjoyed Christopher Nolan's Batman movies and found myself quite enjoying The Batman with Robert Pattinson in 2022. In that film, Colin Farrell had a supporting role as Oswald "Oz" Cobb, aka The Penguin, one of Batman's many nemeses, and I absolutely could not recognize him under all those prosthetics, limp, and strong Brooklyn/Gotham accent. Well now, he has his own spin-off show, and every single week, I would watch it and say, "I still can't believe that's Colin Farrell!"

This show is really firing on all cylinders. Created by Lauren LeFranc, the production design is epic, the writing is superb, offering up cliffhangers that kept me riveted throughout, and the performances by the supporting cast are excellent. There's Cristin Milioti as Sofia Falcone, a woman who was betrayed by Oz but might team up with him again to defy her evil family. Their relationship takes many twists and turns that you can revel in for eight episodes. There's also Deirdre O'Connell as Oz's mother, Francis, a woman who has an extremely weird, almost Oedipal relationship with Oz, but also has an incredible backstory that we flesh out during those final episodes. And there's Rhenzy Feliz as Vic, a nervous young boy from the wrong side of tracks who has to team up with Oz in an emergency but then seems poised to maybe make a life for himself after all. 

This show is like watching a superhero version of The Godfather, with shifting loyalties, many betrayals, and insanely compelling characters that have many layers of evil within them that you will have to dig through. Don't forget, this is a story about a villain, and by the end of the show, you won't have any sympathy for The Penguin, but you will probably be horrifically impressed at what he has managed to accomplish. While this was meant to be a one-off miniseries, the show has done so well that it could come back for another season, and there is a teaser about what new characters we could see then. Fingers crossed, but even as a single season, it is a true delight.

November Movies Part 4: Gladiator II, Wicked: Part I, Red One

Thanksgiving is nearly upon us, so bring on the blockbusters! I watched two movies that have been hotly anticipated all year long, and one Christmas movie that was probably only hotly anticipated by me. Did they all measure up to expectations? Sure!

Gladiator II: The original Gladiator is one of my all-time favorite movies, one of the rare films I have rewatched multiple times. 24 years later, director Ridley Scott is back with a sequel written by David Scarpa that essentially rehashes the original film but asks "what if we made it even more over-the-top and had a battle with literal SHARKS in the Colosseum?!" 

Paul Mescal stars as Hanno, a soldier in the city of Numidia, who is forced into slavery and becomes a gladiator after his city is captured by the Roman army, under the leadership of General Acacius (Pedro Pascal). Like Maximus in the original movie, Hanno moves up through the ranks, catching the eye of Macrinus (Denzel Washington, playing this character with an unparalleled squirrelly glee), a man who wants to use gladiators to impress the evil twin emperors who currently rule Rome with an iron fist (the emperors are played by Joseph Quinn and Fred Hechinger, who at this point is becoming one of the most typecast actors in Hollywood and I would like to see him not playing a crazy psychopath please). There are a lot of questions about who exactly Hanno is, and when he makes it to Rome and fights his first bout at the Colosseum, Lucilla (Connie Nielsen, reprising her role from the original movie) is startled to see him. You can watch the movie to unravel the rest about this man and how exactly he might be related to all your favorite characters from the first film. 

There are a lot of fights with great stunt choreography, plenty of CGI that can sometimes be laughable, and somewhat shaky cinematography by John Mathieson. But if you want all the grandeur and spectacle of Ancient Rome, you'll get that in spades, thanks to production designer, Arthur Max. This movie certainly doesn't pack the emotional heft of its predecessor, even though it valiantly tries, particularly in the final scene that features that iconic music that reliably makes me weep every time I watch the original. I did not shed a tear for this film, but it was still a satisfying nostalgia watch that guaranteed a Gladiator rewatch is very much in my not-too-distant future. 

Wicked: Part I: After the marketing blitz we have endured for several months, this movie is finally here! And it's great! Directed by Jon M. Chu, with a screenplay by Winnie Holzman and Dana Fox, this is the movie about Galinda (Ariana Grande) and Elphaba (Cynthia Erivo), two classmates at Shiz University who want to study sorcery and will ultimately go on to become the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch of the West that we all know from The Wizard of Oz. This is an adaptation of the Broadway musical, so do not expect it to be as dark and ponderous as the original novel by Richard Maguire. Instead, prepare yourself for a spellbinding tale about friendship, deceit, and how people can be oh-so-misunderstood when they are not the ones in power. Also, if you need a handsome man to look at, you've got Jonathan Bailey as Prince Fiyero, but really, all the focus is on Erivo and Grande who fully understood the brief and are perfectly cast as this iconic duo.

This is only Part I, so you will still have to endure the onslaught of more marketing for Part II next year. But this part is iconic and incredible all on its own. My ears perked up when I heard the opening strains of the few songs I knew, and oh man, when we get that final "Defying Gravity" number in the end, it is absolutely what you wanted and more. The production design by Nathan Crowley is unbelievable, and the lavish costumes by Paul Tazewell are sure to garner him an Oscar nomination. The actors are phenomenal, the music is perfect, and my eyes were glued to the screen from start to finish. It's exactly what fans expected from this movie, and even I, an extremely casual fan, cannot wait for the next installment.

Red One: Written by Chris Morgan and directed by Jake Kasdan, this is a supremely goofy and delightful holiday action movie about what happens when Santa Claus (played by a surprisingly ripped J.K. Simmons) gets kidnapped. The head of his security detail, Callum Drift (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson), has to team up with the world's best hacker, Jack O'Malley (Chris "Captain America" Evans), who also happens to be a man who is on the "naughty list" and doesn't believe Santa is real. Well, he's in for a shock.

This movie is exactly what it says on the tin. It is silly and fun, there are lots of great action sequences where The Rock and Captain America are whaling on snowmen, North Pole security apparently has portals through toy stores worldwide, Lucy Liu is in charge of an organization called the Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority, and there's an extended cameo from freakin' Krampus (Kristofer Hivju). What more could you want?! This movie is like a perfect little snow globe that shakes up Christmas lore, chase sequences, and spy thrillers into one thoroughly entertaining little diversion that is a perfect way to kick off your holiday movie watch. Merry Christmas everyone!

November Movies Part 3: A Different Man & The Substance

Do you need more body horror in your life? Well, I am here to deliver. I watched two similar yet strikingly different movies this week, both of which deal with people who are dissatisfied with their bodies and then have to face the consequences when they get the new body they thought they wanted, only to realize that maybe this wasn't really what they wanted after all. One of these movies is written by and about a man, while the other is written by and about a woman, and no points for guessing which one I think is better. Be warned: the two reviews that follow will be quite spoilerific, so if you want to watch the movies first and then get back to this post to tell me why you agree or disagree with all my thoughts, go right ahead!

A Different Man: Written and directed by Aaron Schimberg, this film stars Sebastian Stan as Edward, a man whose face is disfigured by a mass of tumors due to a genetic illness called neurofibromatosis. He still pursues his dream of being an actor, but is mostly just cast in HR workplace videos about how to treat hideous-looking coworkers. A playwright named Ingrid (Renate Reinsve) moves into the apartment across from him, and she tries to connect with him, but he can't act on his romantic feelings, ashamed of how he looks. However, when his doctor tells him about a new experimental treatment, he signs on, and as you can imagine, the treatment turns out to be a cure. Over time, his skin starts peeling away, the tumors fall off, and all of a sudden, he's just a handsome man.

At this point, we jump a few years into the future. Edward has changed his name to Guy and become an enormously successful realtor (a winking nod to how being a realtor seems to be more about curating your own image than selling houses). But he then reconnects with Ingrid who no longer recognizes him. Turns out she is putting on an off-Broadway play that is all about a disfigured man named Edward. "Guy" auditions for the part and get its, then starts sleeping with Ingrid (natch), and it seems like maybe he got the life he wanted all along. But then a British actor named Oswald (Adam Pearson) shows up, who also has neurofibromatosis, and a similarly disfigured face like Guy/Edward used to have. [Sidenote: the actor Adam Pearson really does have this condition, so this film is essentially built around him.] Initially, Ingrid takes him on as an advisor for the play, but over time he ends up supplanting Guy as the lead, and also ends up in a relationship with Ingrid. And our hero is left a miserable wretch, who realizes that he never needed to get handsome to land the girl, he just needed to be a nice guy. Some violence and drama ensues, but that was ultimately my final takeaway.

This movie is extremely low-budget and just felt like a weird little film about how men can get women just by having a good personality, and that you shouldn't let personal appearance drive your insecurities. It doesn't feel like it has much else to say about Edward or his life, and in classic male fashion, it really all comes down to whether or not the man can get laid as a determinant of personal success. The fact that Adam Pearson does truly have neurofibromatosis certainly makes this a much more meaningful film, but I found the plot to be kind of trite and boring. This film is offbeat and odd, and once I watched The Substance, I realized, oh, this story could be told in such a better way.

The Substance: Written and directed by Coralie Fargeat, this film stars Demi Moore as Elizabeth Sparkle, a once-famous Oscar-winning actress, who is now 50 and past her prime as far as Hollywood is concerned. She has been relegated to hosting an aerobics TV show, but the evil producer (played with cartoonish misogynistic glee by Dennis Quaid), is ready for a hot new thing and doesn't want to see Elizabeth's haggard body on TV anymore. To be clear, if you watch the first ten minutes of this movie and think that Demi Moore's body is anything less than smoking hot, you must be blind. But a 50-year-old woman is anathema to Hollywood, so that brings us to our current predicament.

Elizabeth is devastated that she is being sidelined so brutally. Then, she mysteriously is introduced to something called "The Substance," that promises she could spend a week in a younger, hotter body, as long as she keeps interchanging with her regular body for a week after. She heads into a shady warehouse, picks up a box of supplies from a mailbox, and heads home to inject herself with the substance. Which leads to a young, hot clone bursting out of her back. This clone names herself Sue, and is played by Margaret Qualley, who is quite ideal casting for a younger Demi Moore.

There is very little dialogue in this movie. Instead, it's an extremely physical and bonkers romp set to an intense techno score by Raffertie with hyper-colorful and lush cinematography by Benjamin Kracun that makes this whole story feel visceral and oh-so enjoyable. Over time, Sue, enjoying all the power and privilege her hot new body gives her, tries to push the boundaries of The Substance, seeing if she can remain as Sue for an extra hour, then an extra day, and then maybe...forever? Obviously, it doesn't work that way, and during the weeks when Elizabeth takes charge of her body, she discovers that Sue's selfishness is resulting in her aged body becoming even more decrepit. Eventually, things come to a head, and the final sequence of this film will treat you to an absolutely ridiculous monster that deserves an Oscar nomination for Best Makeup and Hairstyling.

It's clear that The Substance is working with a much higher budget that allows it to turn this premise into a thoroughly surreal extravaganza. A Different Man is operating on a lower tier and a much less ambitious scope. But ultimately, do I want to see a man moping around about his appearance all because of his need to get a hot woman to like him? Or do I want to see Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley get taken down by the patriarchy because they work in an industry where appearances are all that matter? It did strike me that in A Different Man, the idea is that men don't need to be hot to get ahead in the world, while in The Substance, it is very clear that all that matters is that women must be attractive. Ultimately, The Substance is a much more fun and audacious movie, but I welcome your thoughts on what you got out of watching these films and who does a better job of getting their point across. 

November Movies Part 2: Here & Heretic

This week I watched two rather lackluster movies that both had good pedigrees but fell a bit flat on execution. If you're curious about these films, read on about these films, or go watch them first and then come discuss them with me in the comments!

Here: Directed by Robert Zemeckis, who co-wrote the screenplay with Eric Roth, based on Richard McGuire's graphic novel of the same name, this is a story that is mostly set in the living room of an American house. We travel back and forth in time focusing on this one square patch of land, so there is one sequence when we are literally seeing dinosaurs roam across it, then others where we see some Native Americans exploring the area. But the majority of this film is about the families who occupy the house that was eventually built on this land at the turn of the 20th century.

The meat of the story focuses on the Young family, consisting of a World War II veteran, Al (Paul Bettany), his wife, Rose (Kelly Reilly), and their children, one of whom grows up and marries a woman and continues to live in the family home. That couple is played in young (and old) adulthood by Tom Hanks and Robin Wright, and offers up a story about what happens when you get married too young and have to sacrifice your ambitions for a life of painful domesticity. And also reveals how de-aging software continues to evolve, as we first see Hanks and Wright as teenagers - let's just say I was not convinced.

This movie feels like it's made for our TikTok age, when no one can focus on a story for more than a few minutes at a time. Instead, we get fragments of story, told in short bursts, drunkenly weaving across time periods, covering some major historical events and milestones, some emotional milestones, but largely feeling like a gimmicky exercise in storytelling that doesn't have much of a story to tell. There's nothing particularly new and compelling that this movie can convey about its characters; it's just trying to tell their stories in a novel way that feels a bit forced and clunky. I won't lie, I definitely kept my eyes on the screen the whole time since I never knew where things were going next. But at the end of the film, did I feel like I had watched something worth leaving my own living room for? Nope.

Heretic: Written and directed by Scott Beck and Bryan Woods, this is a story about what happens when two Mormon missionaries, Sister Barnes (Sophie Thatcher) and Sister Paxton (Chloe East), end up at the house of a seemingly charming British man named Mr. Reed (played by the always deceptively charming Hugh Grant), who then proceeds to terrorize them as he has his own ideas about religion. 

Obviously, I watched this movie because of Hugh Grant - I am 100% here for his villain era and was dying to see what he was going to do in this weird little horror film. His performance is thoroughly delightful, charming the women into his home and then quickly turning that twinkle in his eye into a manic glint. The two women also deliver excellent performances, East offering up a brilliant turn as a naive and sheltered missionary who is desperate to make a new convert and is hysterically polite even as it becomes clear that Reed is an absolute lunatic, while Thatcher is wonderful as the more suspicious woman who knows she shouldn't trust this man but now has to figure out how they can fight him. Interestingly, both East and Thatcher were raised as Mormons, though they aren't currently practicing. Unfortunately, there's only so much actors can do if there isn't much more to the story.

Ultimately, this script did not do it for me. There were some great monologues for Grant to chew on, but at the end of the day, this movie has nothing novel to say about religion and seems to struggle to find any point of view. It's basically a horror movie that's flailing for a premise and doesn't land on anything too exciting. Even as a horror film, I didn't find myself particularly enthralled - sure, there are plenty of quiet steps into dark places and you're waiting for something to go "Boo!" and scare the crap out of you. But that's about it - this movie is one long series of horror movie tropes and nothing beyond that. Like me, if you want to be a Hugh Grant completist, go ahead, but otherwise, I wouldn't expect this movie to blow your mind.