Mary Queen of Scots: The Bland and the Beautiful

My main takeaway after watching Mary Queen of Scots was that this should have been turned into a Netflix series that I could cozily watch at home on a rainy afternoon. At least then there would have been time for character development, some attention to historical accuracy, and many more hours of gorgeous costumes, sweeping Scottish vistas, and Saoirse Ronan and Margot Robbie ruling the land. Unfortunately, as a movie, this endeavor is more irritating than enthralling.

As the title implies, this is the story of the reign of Mary, Queen of Scots (not sure why the film title eliminates the comma but add that as one more irritating thing about the film). Raised in France as a baby, she returns to rule Scotland at the age of 18 after she is widowed, and demands that Elizabeth I of England name her as the heir to both the English and Scottish thrones. As Mary, Saoirse Ronan delivers an unsurprisingly fantastic performance, while Margot Robbie is equally captivating as Elizabeth I (though she has much less screen time and seems to be relegated to a much more petty role). Honestly, if the movie had solely consisted of these two women engaged in heated political battle, it would have been glorious. But, as with real life, enter the men to ruin everything.

This movie feels like a soap opera and romance novel - not the good kind. I had to read an article afterwards about what was fact vs fiction to see if maybe this was one of those instances where I was being too critical and the events depicted in the film actually happened in real life. But no they did not. There are weird elements about the sexuality of certain characters, and frankly the notion that Mary picked her next husband after he went down on her is insulting. Give the woman a bit more credit for thinking with her head than her vagina. And Elizabeth I is portrayed as an oddly weak-willed monarch who is jealous of Mary's beauty and fertility. Again, ladies can be jealous of each other for their intelligence and political strategy, not just because they have pretty portraits and functional uteri.

Of course, the screenplay is written by a man (Beau Willimon of House of Cards fame), and it does feel like a TV movie than a proper cinematic spectacle. It's directed by a woman, Josie Rourke, who is a brilliant theater director, but needs to do a lot of work when it comes to film direction. There are set pieces in this movie, particularly the final face-off between the two Queens (which again, never happened in real life) that are highly choreographed and theatrical; rather then providing heightened tension, they feel staged and artificial. However, I will say this - the hair and costume design is bewitching.

Mary Queen of Scots has two incredible actresses and aims to tell the story of two incredibly powerful women. Unfortunately, it falls into the trap of all the men in the English and Scottish courts - it fails to recognize the intelligence of these women and decides to turn their relationship into a cat fight. Let's re-do this movie as a miniseries and give Mary her rightful due.