October Movies Part 2: We Live in Time & Conclave

I went to the theater twice this week. I watched a movie I hated and a movie I was genuinely surprised by. Let's find out which was which!

Conclave: Directed by Edward Berger and written by Peter Straughan, based on the novel by Robert Harris, this movie follows the drama and intrigue of a papal conclave to elect the new Pope after the old one dies. Ralph Fiennes plays Cardinal Thomas Lawrence, the Dean of the College of Cardinals, who is in charge of running this conclave and ensuring that they follow the protocol and quickly elect the next leader of the Catholic Church. Thomas has been plagued by doubts (a doubting Thomas, if you will), but he is now determined to do his duty and ensure the conclave goes through without a hitch. Easier said than done.

There are all manner of personalities vying for the position. There's Stanley Tucci as Cardinal Aldo Bellini, a liberal who wants to continue the old Pope's reformist agenda and has Thomas's vote. But they're up against Cardinal Joshua Adeyemi (Lucian Msamati) from Nigeria, who would be the first Black Pope but is also virulently against homosexuality. Cardinal Joseph Tremblay (John Lithgow) is ambitious and scheming, while Cardinal Goffredo Tedesco (Sergio Castellitto) is a racist Italian who wants to take the Church back to its origins and give up all this reformist claptrap. Thomas has his hands full managing all these people, and as he uncovers more secrets about each of the favorites, he starts to deftly swing the vote, desperately trying to ensure the wrong man doesn't become Pope. It's a bit like watching the 2024 US election, except with a lot more candidates.

I won't say much more because this film has twists and turns, culminating in an epic final twist that I defy anyone to see coming. It caught me thoroughly off guard and is the reason I want everyone to watch this film so we can all discuss how bonkers and amazing it was. Apart from the script and impeccable acting, however, this movie is also firing on all cylinders when it comes to the production design by Suzie Davies. I knew they couldn't possibly be filming in the Sistine Chapel and its environs, but damned if you won't feel exactly like you're in the Vatican instead of a studio set. Beautifully shot by Stephane Fontaine with a mysterious and fun score by Volker Bertelmann, this movie is a thoroughly entertaining and delightful piece of cinema that will keep you guessing till the very end.

We Live in Time: When the credits rolled on this film, I went "I knew it, OF COURSE this movie was directed and written by men!" Written by Nick Payne and directed by John Crowley, this is a melodramatic romance that goes back and forth in time as it chronicles the love story of Tobias and Almut (Andrew Garfield and Florence Pugh) over a decade. Garfield and Pugh are absolutely charming and wonderful, and it's nice to get to see them work in their original British accents for a change. They are magnetic and are the reason I kept watching this film and delighting in their chemistry. But the plot of this film? WOOF.

If you're a fan of these actors and think that having a child is the be all and end all of every couple's existence, please go forth and watch this movie without reading the rest of my review. But if you're childfree, or a woman who has any kind of sense of prioritizing her health over the romantic ideal of biological procreation, please read on as I vociferously denounce this movie's mawkish sentimentality and spoil the rest of the plot.

Early in their relationship, the two have to have a difficult conversation as Almut doesn't really care about having kids, while Tobias does. They have a potentially relationship-ending fight, but Tobias realizes he would rather just be with Almut who is right in front of him than lose her for the promise of non-existent children. Yay, it's true love. Then, Almut is diagnosed with ovarian cancer. While her doctor recommends a hysterectomy if she wants the certainty of getting rid of all the cancer, Almut is suddenly overcome with the idea of having a child with Tobias, and therefore decides to hang on to her uterus and one ovary so that she can have a shot at conceiving a child. She goes through chemo, enters remission, and then we enter into a montage of sex, negative pregnancy tests, disappointment, and then an IVF cycle, until Almut is finally gloriously pregnant and can give birth to their daughter. And then a few years later, her cancer comes back. And while she agrees to treat it again, rather than taking it easy and trying to ensure all the treatment has a fighting chance, she decides to prioritize her career as a chef, entering into a brutal culinary competition that tires her out and ensures that she will die at the end of this movie.

This movie managed to hit all my pet peeves: people who think that biological conception is the only possible way to fulfill their dream of having a child when everything about their biology is telling them not to, and people who then don't do what their doctor tells them to when they're sick. This is the ultimate "women can have it all!" movie, except in this case, the woman gets to have a career, a child, and then cancer. Yeesh. I know Almut was the one with cancer, but I spent most of the film feeling sorry for Tobias because he was just trying to be with the woman he loved but she kept making chaotic decisions. So once again, as I am on my soapbox, let me please remind all the women of the world: there is nothing beautiful and fulfilling about pregnancy. It is one of the most dangerous things you can do to your body and is basically classified as a medical illness for those nine heinous months that you are carrying that child in your uterus, until we get to the delivery when a whole new host of things can go wrong and kill you. If you want to be a mother, great, adopt a child. But stop battering your body if pregnancy will be dangerous or difficult for your health. Not all women need to be biologically pregnant to be fulfilled, OK? And please, do not literally kill yourself to have a child or to be declared the best chef in the world. It's simply not worth it.