Rocky Aur Rani Ki Prem Kahaani opens up with a Bollywood number that was cast with every hot young actor who showed up to do the latest season of Koffee with Karan. And while the women are hot, you gotta love Johar for ensuring he objectifies his male lead just as much as the women. For the next two and a half hours, be prepared to gaze on the magnificent form of Ranveer Singh in varying states of undress. But of course, we also have the gorgeous Alia Bhatt swanning around in the most delectable Manish Malhotra chiffon saris that evoke all the romance of old Bollywood. And ultimately, that is what this movie is all about. It's a loving ode to the classics, with a very contemporary twist.
Ranveer and Alia play the titular Rocky and Rani, who cross paths because their grandparents might have mysteriously known each other. Dharmendra plays Rocky's grandfather, who is suffering from memory loss but keeps muttering the name, Jamini. Turns out that's the name of Rani's grandmother, played by none other than Shabana Azmi. Rocky and Rani orchestrate a meet-up and...let's just say you might cry a little. And also whoop with delight.
Of course, in the process, Rocky and Rani start up a romance. Rani is an erudite host of a TV news show and has cultured Bengali parents (played by the glorious Tota Roy Chowdhury, whose character has an incredible arc in the course of this film, and the equally glorious Churni Ganguly). Rocky is a jovial Punjabi boy who is the heir to his family's laddoo empire that was founded by his grandmother, played by Jaya Bachchan. Let's just say that Bachchan goes full-on Disney villain in this role - Maleficent couldn't hold a candle to her. She rules her family with an iron fist, upholding patriarchal values in that gloriously sickening way that only an Indian mother-in-law can, and her coddled son is an abject asshole who treats his wife and daughter poorly and barely tolerates Rocky's shenanigans. But these families are both about to be shaken up when Rocky and Rani decide that they need to spend time living with each other's family to see how they would adjust to married life.
Yeah, it's a Bollywood movie, it's not meant to make much sense, OK? But this is a typically contrived plot that then proceeds to deliver in spades. Get prepared for a complete takedown of toxic masculinity (you will find yourself cheering at a Kathak dance), and general Indian male haplessness. Rocky has a lot to learn when he lives with Rani's family, including how to make his own coffee, but they also have a lot to learn from him, including how to give good hugs. Meanwhile Rani spends her time inciting a revolution against the patriarchy. I know I can't spend the rest of this year constantly comparing movies to Barbie, but this really might be Bollywood's answer to the Barbie movie and I am here for it.
This movie has everything. Insane production design, beautiful costumes, an absolutely stellar cast (honestly the supporting cast almost eclipse the leads). The script by Ishita Moitra, Shashank Khaitan, and Sumit Roy is perfectly bonkers, and brilliant, and so full of heart. The soundtrack is very Pritam, i.e. it just remixes a bunch of classics, but even that is done in a clever way that really dug down into my psyche as someone who grew up with this music. The "What Jhumka?" song is a great example of something that would confuse any non-Indian person, but every Indian person in the theater was 100% singing along with the wordless tune in the chorus. And the random interludes of Mere Bhole Bhalam every time Namit Das popped up on screen made me giggle. I loved the Bengali versus Punjabi stereotypes, Ranveer's wild, colorful outfits, and the world's most perfectly deployed Emraan Hashmi joke. Again, is this movie really going to translate if you don't already have a robust history with Bollywood? I don't know. There are a lot of inside jokes and references to classic and modern cinema. But for someone like me, who has always found such solace in the movies, this ridiculous film was the perfect distillation of my Bollywood education to date. By the end, it turned into Shloka Aur Bollywood Kii Prem Kahaani.
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