First off, I have to acknowledge what a critical darling this movie is. People have been raving about it since it came out, it has featured on multiple Top 10 lists of 2018, and I felt sure I would love it. But nope. It just got too weird, with an ending that meant nothing to me. This is one of those movies you're meant to interpret, and maybe ten years from now, I'll decide to re-watch it and be blown away, but I simply couldn't do it this time around. I didn't want to interpret anything, I wanted a straightforward story. I know, I'm very high maintenance.
The movie tells the story of Rev. Ernst Toller (Ethan Hawke), a priest who is approached by a woman, Mary (Amanda Seyfried), who wants Toller to counsel her husband, Michael (Philip Ettinger). Michael has recently been in prison and is an environmental activist who has strong views about how the world is on a trajectory to doom. Ever since Mary became pregnant, he has become increasingly upset and paranoid about bringing another human being into this world, even urging her to have an abortion. Toller tries to counsel Michael as best as he can, offering up a great deal of wisdom based on his own personal background and faith. But things escalate and then take a turn. It's a thriller, I'll leave it at that.
Ethan Hawke is wonderful (as he is in everything), and the conversations or voiceover narration as he pens his journal are deep and profound. These are topics that I feel strongly about, so ought to have resonated well with me. Unfortunately, the movie goes off the ledge at a certain point and I never quite recovered. I get it, movies aren't meant to mirror reality, so we should forgive them for injecting fantastic elements. But it was too much for me, and overall, I left this film not quite understanding what I had just watched. It is weighty, and clearly making a statement about environmental zealotry, religious fundamentalism, greed, etc. and all of that is great, but ultimately, this story doesn't go anywhere. Instead it's like a Choose Your Own Adventure book that says, "here, you decide what this is about and what happens at the end."
Writer-director Paul Schrader is most famous for his "Transcendental Style" of filmmaking. I guess this is a style that's just not for me. I fully acknowledge that circumstances may have been the culprit and maybe in some other time, I would have loved First Reformed from start to finish. But as it currently stands, I did not get this movie at all, and all I can say is, maybe you all should watch it and then tell me why I'm wrong.
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